According to the Mayan calendar, tonight is your last night on Earth! That’s it! I’m pretty sure that I am just going to wake up tomorrow to another failed apocalypse that I’ve gotten my hopes up for. Just like the pile of failed relationships, so many disappointments. I mean, I stock piled water, canned food for Y2K and for what! Nothing! That’s right! Nothing. But I’ll take any excuse to make poor decisions and blame them on something else. “Make out? Sure! The world’s ending tomorrow!” Pry yourself from Facebook and Twitter and take a look at the 5 ways you could spend your last night on earth.
1. Watching all of Arrested Development. You only have one more night to try to get all those inside jokes! Do you really want to die not understanding “Luchos de Muchachos?”
2. Out a bar. If you’ve only got one more night on earth, tonights the night to have filthy bar sex. Tragedy makes women wet, I thought men figured that out already.
3. Looting! If this is it, then you deserve that Louis Vuitton flat screen TV validation you’ve always craved.
4. Call your mom. No seriously. Call your mom. She brought you into this world and her disappointment should usher you out of it.
5. Praying that the Mayans got it wrong and you get to live another day regretting the poor choices you made the night before after having one too many shots of Jameson.
BONUS number 6. Listening to Fleetwood Mac. Hands down some of the best music to go out to.
Don’t fuck around. If this is it, the last night on earth, call some one you love and make sure you fully put your foot in your mouth. It’s exactly what I am going to be doing.