So what if I have a shy bladder

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I once heard about this Japanese toilet for lades that had buttons to play both soothing and distracting sounds to cover up the sound of their urinating. I thought to myself, “Oh my God! How can I get my hands on one of these or at least a machine that can distract me from the fact that I am pissing mere inches from another person!”

I’ve always had a shy bladder. A wallflower of a piss pot. A shrinking violet at the urination ball. When I would go camping with my family, instead of peeing in the woods right next to the tent like a real outdoorsman, I had to bundle up and trek the 12 minute walk in the pitch dark to the toilets at the camp ground. 12 minutes in the dark for a 12 year old girl who has read far too much Encyclopedia Brown is a long damn time. It’s always been something of a challenge for me to relax that way.

I’m not exaggerating. When 9/11 happened, my reaction to it was to have a panic attack that manifested itself with me not being able to evacuate my bladder for almost a full day. I tried everything, running water, taking a warm bath, thinking of the ocean, listening to Billy Ocean. Nothing worked. I had to have my friends take me to the emergency room, fully thinking that I would have to get a catheter. Instead, I got into the exam room, the pain starting to spread up to my kidneys, and I finally was able to let it go. All over myself.

So, when I moved to New York, one of the first bars that I went is the now defunct Mars Bar. This bar had a bathroom so gross that if you touched anything you’d end up with Hepatitis C. I knew, KNEW, that I had to figure out how to get over this AND learn how to piss standing up. I am pretty sure that the only reason that all New York women take yoga is so that they get good at squatting to piss. There are far better ways to stay in shape without having to do something called the downward dog in public. I didn’t take yoga but I learned how to relax and piss standing up.

My shy bladder is now the bell of the pissing ball. I’ve peed at the top of a seven story abandoned radio tower in Berlin, in the fake planter of an office complex at 4am, in the woods of Prospect Park, in an alley on the South Side of Chicago. I guess I owe New York City that. It literally scared the piss out of me.

6 Responses to So what if I have a shy bladder

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  2. Hi Ms. NovemberI’m really glad you ptseod this. Gives real insight into what’s happening in WR. I’m a SR grad and my daughter is about to start school. Of course, my wife and I are looking into all the possible options presently, WR being one of them. Growing up with so many friends from WR, I’ve heard that somethings were weird but didn’t realize it was this bad.SR was conservative and strict too in a way but there are obvious differences which I’d like to point out:1. At the time, idiot teachers did not survive. We normally bullied and tormented those teachers in a week or so to leave SR. Our teachers generally had 1 or 2 PhDs on their names.2. We could argue openly in Philo and Religion regarding any topic. Which I felt built faith rather than resentment.3. We had weekly confession but they never got on our case for not going. (at least, in my experience). And never did I hear that the admin get involved in such an obviously personal, private and spiritual choice as confession.5. They never commented on what we wore for PE.6. They never told us to not look at our moms and sisters. I can’t believe they told you guys to beware your own brothers and dads . That’s Fk’d up!7. Work Ed was carpentry, gardening and electronics. I can’t believe they taught you guys how to change a diaper. That’s really sexist!The Cons1. The numers were very sensitive. Example the use of supernumerary (google it) as a scientific word was normally punished with a tongue lashing.2. Going to the club, disco, bars.. were occasions of sin.3. I had to read Noli and Fili after grad to make sure I wasn’t ignorant in college.4. We did have hard labor too. (not entirely a con in my book) Some of the crazy shit we did, did deserved some punishment.5. There are still some numer teachers who were hired because of their religious politics rather than their ability to teach. Normal Rules (from my POV)1. Alcohol, Tobacco and Porn is not allowed in school.2. Gambling not allowed too. (We did play for money sometimes though)3. Cursing, misbehavior and vandalism were punished.I’m really amazed at how different the culture is between SR and WR. They did teach us how to read, write and speak well. How to be confident and respectable men. It seems in SR they teach us how to be leaders and builders and in WR they teach you to be just housewives and homemakers. For the record, most of the WR friends I have now are great people. In fact, the nicest person, I’ve ever met is from WR. For the record, the most evil person I know, is also from WR so I guess that balances out. Most I have great respect for and one, I have no respect for at all. Not because she’s slutty or anything but because she doesn’t stand up for herself. Overall I think we’ll find some place else for our daughter. I really don’t want her to grow up like that. Again, thanks for sharing your experience. We sincerely appreciate it.

  3. As a graduate from Woodrose (I stueidd there from grade 1-4th year, that’s 11 years), a former educator and now with an MBA, I have to say that Reading and Composition were good, considering our country is not from the west , diagramming sentences in 5th grade really taught me a lot about Grammar. Literature was pretty good too, we did Beowulf and a lot of classiscs, but it could have been a lot better we didn’t read anything really modern. We also should have had art studies, not just draw this or do that, but more analysis. These subjects, however, are not really for the real world . Our math and science were classes were total crap. Geography was awful. Philosophy was ridiculous; everything we stueidd was really against Rationalism and focused on philosophers who the church loved/paid to research for them. There was also NOTHING in Woodrose that educated students about being tolerant and open minded to ANYTHING (minorities, etc), which is necessary in the real world, especially if you want to live abroad. Our education was a BUBBLE. I hear that in other Opus Dei schools around the world, it is not quite as extreme as ours (considering we live in the 21st century). I love the comment that somebody here posted, It’s cruel you will never hear the hundreds or maybe thousands who have already graduated from the school say this. I URGE YOU NOT TO SEND YOUR DAUGHTERS TO WOODROSE if you want them to actually be real THINKERS and not just people who go along with the flow. There is a reason that nobody from Woodrose is as of yet in the government, or a CEO unless its their own company (or inherited). The girls are bred to be not leaders but obeyers who shut their eyes at reality, and god knows the Philippines needs less of them.

  4. Smack-dab what I was looking for-ty!

  5. Walking in the presence of giants here. Cool thinking all around!

  6. Everyone would benefit from reading this post

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