so the final debate is tonight, here’s the ten things you should be doing

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I’m going to get you bear.

Here’s somethings you should be doing either during, instead of or could do at anytime really.

1. Rooting for the underdog! That means Ron Paul! You know that you should just write him in as a candidate. Him as president would just be the tits. He’s like an ersatz Ross Perot.

2. Keep an eye out for the key that winds up MItt Romney. People say that he’s a robot. I think it’s more sinister and more old-timey than that. He’s just clockwork with 2 settings, smarmy and smug.

3. Kicking any one in the crotch who says that they are still undecided. Seriously, at this point, if you haven’t made up your goddamned mind you deserve to get kicked in the taint.

4. Ask about Obama’s birth certificate, again! It’s never too early to bring back 2008!

5. Show your tits (if you have them) every time either one of the candidates dodges a question. Why not treat the debate like Mardi Gras? Then every one gets a treat!

6. Pretend to be undecided. Watch your liberal New York friends have heart attacks as they try to swing your vote.

7. Wish that swing state was an actual physical state that you could be in. For me it would be being on the best tire swing, eating Cool Ranch Doritos, and then going through the car wash not in a car.

8. Get some fucking sleep. You need it more than these guys need the ratings bump.

9. Imagine both candidates with Rachel Maddow’s haircut and try not to snarf your gin and tonic out your nose. Which leads me to number…

10. Drink like there is no tomorrow! I’m pretty sure that the Mayan’s were right and the world is over this year so who cares if you roll into work hung over on Tuesday. Your boss probably, but if Romney wins you better get used to hiding your hangovers because booze is going to be the only way to get through these next grim, regressive four years.

3 Responses to so the final debate is tonight, here’s the ten things you should be doing

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