1. They are haunted by candidates past.
Herman Caine shows up with stacks of pizza and accusations of liberal brainwashing. Michelle Bachman pops up from behind Mitt Romney to shoot lasers out of her crazy eyes. Hillary Clinton – Obama is haunted by her every day and she’ll just be there stoically biding her time for 2016.
2. Obama says “Ah” enough times for a satisfactory drinking game.
The rules to the game are: take a shot each time he utters, “Ah”, “Erm”, or “Uh” and 2 shots when Romney looks itchy in his own skin.
3. Romney tries to smile in ernest and his face cracks open revealing that his just armature being run by a race of tiny elves! Hail elven overlords! They all look like Will Ferrell.
4. Obama pulls out a dashiki and a congo drums and yells, “PSEEEEYYYYYYEEEEEECH!”
5. The opening handshake between the candidates is more like a first date hand holding. They both tear up a little bit.
6. Then they come out of the moment and high five and elbow bump! And the debate begins but all in rap freestyle. “My name’s Mitt Romney and I am here to say that 47% of you and freeloading and gay.” Jay-Z steps in for Obama and the whole room loses it’s shit.
7. We get straight answers to real questions like “What is your spirit animal?” and “If you could travel back in time, Coke or Pepsi?”
8. Bo Obama breaks off his lease and can’t get his nose out of Jim Lehr’s butt.
9. Romney tries desperately to relate to the everyday man and succeeds! Everyone is endeared to him as…
10. A glowing spaceship descends to take Romney to Kolob. A conga line of the former republican candidates with Obama at the tail shimmies on board. Everyone gets to meet Jesus!