Archive for February, 2009
Feb
18
stats
time woken: 4:16am, 7:20am, 10:15am respectively.
naps taken: 2
sneezed an uncountable amount of times
spent 2 hours hearing tell of the TED conference. You can too.
Feb
18
rolcats
Cease your protests, the deal is done! You are to make a fine wife for uncouth American businessman!
Baroque Russian Lolcats @ Rolcats.com brought to you courtsey rstevens via twitter.
Feb
17
stats
time awoken: 9:30 (WTF)
advil taken: 6 to placate my vicious headache
number of almost but not quites: too many to count. they were wonderful. thank you.
1 pair of ridiculous shoes purchased to replace the ridiculous pair of heels i insist on wearing. plus cute socks with skulls on them. i blame paul frank for macabre as cute trend.
1 satisfying nap taken
Feb
17
some strange code to decipher
I have always admired the misuse of the English language on Chinese and Japanese products (”Every romantic girl knows, strawberry dreams”), but this is one of the more strange examples that I have seen. What exactly is “TERING PURIOSITY”? And why would I want to advertise that fact on my bright sweatshirt dress? Is it a synonym for viginity? I might want to advertise that!
Feb
16
stats
time awoken: 10:15am
spent 3 hours reading and talking at Rand McNally Bookstores. Short story search for a film adaptation.
number of Sashas met: 2
drank 3 whiskeys on the rocks in honor of Mr. McCool.
rocked the bon mots
time laid to rest: 3:30
Feb
15
nostalgia – resfest
Feb
15
stats
time awoken: 8:15
hours spent distracted, supposedly learning discrete probability: 3
watched 1 metaphysical, incoherent, slightly pretensions action film (revolver). you gotta give a guy credit for trying to something, right? file under interesting failure. lessons learned.
words added to personal lexicon: 1 (ameliorate: make a situation better. i like this word because it sounds similar to immolate when said out loud., which means the exact opposite. God, language makes me hot.)
Pies Baked: 1 Pieces of pie eaten: 1 (i am amazed at my own self control on this one)
Feb
14
kissing in the dark
This isn’t a story of romance or even of joy. It’s practical tale. Told in the most matter of fact way. That’s how it was, matter of fact. It’s fitting to revisit it on a day where we are told to glorify romance, but superficially. Real connections aren’t about a red card or a pink rose.
I was 16. It was Valentine’s Day, apparently the worst day to break up with someone. You live, well, you know. I had been dating this Chinese boy, Teddy, who showered me with attention, annoyingly adorable stuffed animals, giant cards that professed ridiculous sentiments, and had his friend drive us around like a chauffeur, us in the back. I knew it was going to be short lived. He was way too affectionate, kind of corny and consequently, possessive. But that’s what you do when you are so young, you get to act like a fool and date secret jerks. He was one of them.
On this Valentine’s Day, I was dreading having to go out with Teddy. The anxiety was building in me. I knew I was in for an evening of awkward silence and cultural misunderstanding at his friend, the chauffeur’s, house, with some karaoke peppered in.
When he called, I just blurted it out, “Teddy, I can’t see you any more!”
“What about tonight?”
“Not tonight. Not any other night. I am sorry to do it like this.”
“It’s Valentine’s Day!”
“I know”
“You are a real bitch.”
“Fine. I deserve that.”
“Fuck you…” He descending into a string of profanities that I hung up on. He called back, but I wouldn’t answer.
Later that week, I cam home a little late from school. I opened the door to, what should have been my locked room, and in the dusky light, screamed out.
“There is some one fucking in here!”
But there wasn’t. I flipped the lights on, as my mom ran up behind me. My room was filled with flowers. Roses and lilies and baby’s breath. Filled. Every surface.
It turned out that my brother had been bribed to let Teddy and his chauffeur in. They had filled my room. I didn’t have the time or the energy that night to clean them all out. Besides, my mother said that they were lovely, and why waste them.
Why? Because they gave me nightmares. Because Teddy continued to leave bizarre tokens of his ever increasing obsession at my house. They’d appear almost daily. Big cards, stuffed teddy bears, more flowers. At least this time, the gifts were left in the yard. So much easier to put them in the trash.
Teddy is actually tangential, but sets the stage.
As February passed into March, we had a few good days. I had started “hanging out” with a new boy. An extremely charming and charismatic boy, but who had a host of problems. But some how, I let him charm the pants off of me, literally.
This is how I lost my virginity, coming off a mild case of stalking, in a dank basement room. Lying on the bed, I turned my head to see there was a bear bottle, with cigarette buts in it. Piles of dirty clothes and the room smelled of stale cigarettes and dirty linen. He was on top of me. I didn’t really know what to do or what to expect. He had all the experience. I expected pain, but there was none. I expected pleasure, but there was none of that either. I felt serviceable. He plunged away and I made noise, but I wasn’t there. I was above, looking at the surroundings. Seeing myself and him, awkwardly intertwined.
As I walked my bike the short distance home, I thought about it. I was both relieved and disgusted with myself. I didn’t love this boy. I had just decided that it was maybe time to get it over with, like a chore. The breezes cooled the sweat that had beaded on my face despite the spring air. I lifted my face to it, changed and not changed at all.
Feb
14
stats
time awoken: 7:45am
drank one giant cup of coke with a lot of Johnny Walker Red
watched one horror movie short on suspense but flush with boobs (Friday the 13th) spent the 20 min train wondering what’s happened to the chase? especially in all things. thinking that i need to put up more of a fight.
ran 4.5 miles
ate two pieces of Valentine’s candy from office mate with chagrin
